V

(Translated from Bengali)

(From the Diary of a Disciple)

[Place: Alambazar Math. Year: 1897, May.]

It was the 19th Vaishākha (April-May) of the year 1303 B.S. Swamiji had agreed to initiate the disciple today. So, early in the morning, he reached the Alambazar Math. Seeing the disciple Swamiji jocosely said, “Well, you are to be ‘sacrificed’ today, are you not?”

After this remark to the disciple, Swamiji with a smile resumed his talk with others about American subjects. And in due relevancy came along such topics also as how one-pointed in devotion one has to be in order to build up a spiritual life, how firm faith and strong devotion to the Guru have to be kept up, how deep reliance has to be placed on the words of the Guru, and how even one’s life has to be laid down for his sake. Then putting some questions to the disciple, Swamiji began to test his heart: “Well, are you ready to do my bidding to your utmost, whatever it be and whenever it may come? If I ask you to plunge into the Gangā or to jump from the roof of a house, meaning it all for your good, could you do even that without any hesitation? Just think of it even now; otherwise don’t rush forward on the spur of the moment to accept me as your Guru.” And the disciple nodded assent to all questions of the kind.

Swamiji then continued: “The real Guru is he who leads you beyond this Māyā of endless birth and death—who graciously destroys all the griefs and maladies of the soul. The disciple of old used to repair to the hermitage of the Guru, fuel in hand; and the Guru, after ascertaining his competence, would teach him the Vedas after initiation, fastening round his waist the threefold filament of Munja, a kind of grass, as the emblem of his vow to keep his body, mind, and speech in control. With the help of this girdle, the disciples used to tie up their Kaupinas. Later on, the custom of wearing the sacred thread superseded this girdle of Munja grass.”

Disciple: Would you, then, say, sir, that the use of the holy thread we have adopted is not really a Vedic custom?

Swamiji: Nowhere is there mention of thread being so used in the Vedas. The modern author of Smritis, Raghunandana Bhattachārya, also puts it thus: “At this stage,¹ the sacrificial girdle should be put on.” Neither in Gobhila’s Grihya-Sutras do we find any mention of the girdle made of thread. In the Shāstras, this first Vedic Samskāra (purification ceremony) before the Guru has been called the Upanayana; but see, to what a sad pass our country has been brought! Straying away from the true path of the Shāstras, the country has been overwhelmed with usages and observances originating in particular localities, or popular opinion, or with the womenfolk! That’s why I ask you to proceed along the path of the Shāstras as in olden times. Have faith within yourselves and thereby bring it back into the country. Plant in your heart the faith of Nachiketā. Even go up to the world of Yama like him. Yes, if to know the secrets of the Ātman, to liberate your soul, to reach the true solution of the mystery of birth and death, you have to go to the very jaws of death and realise the truth thereby, well, go there with an undaunted heart. It is fear alone that is death. You have to go beyond all fear. So from this day be fearless. Off at once, to lay down your life for your own liberation and for the good of others. What good is it carrying along a load of bones and flesh! Initiated into the Mantra of extreme self-sacrifice for the sake of God, go, lay down for others this body of flesh and bones like the Muni Dadhichi! Those alone, say the Shāstras, are the real Gurus, who have studied the Vedas and the Vedānta, who are knowers of the Brahman, who are able to lead others beyond to fearlessness; when such are at hand, get yourself initiated, “no speculation in such a case”. Do you know what has become of this principle now?—“like the blind leading the blind”!

The initiation ceremony was duly gone through in the chapel. After this Swamiji spoke out: “Give me the Guru-dakshinā.”² The disciple replied, “Oh, what shall I give?” On this Swamiji suggested, “Well, fetch any fruit from the store-room.” So the disciple ran to the store-room and came back into the chapel with ten or twelve lichis. These Swamiji took from his hand and ate them one by one, saying, “Now, your Guru-dakshinā is made.”

A member of the Math, Brahmachāri (now Swami) Shuddhānanda, also had his initiation from Swamiji on this occasion.

Swamiji then had his dinner and went to take a short rest.

After the siesta, he came and sat in the hall of the upper storey. The disciple finding this opportunity asked, “Sir, how and whence came the ideas of virtue and vice?”

Swamiji: It is from the idea of the manifold that these have evolved. The more a man advances towards oneness, the more ideas of “I” and “you” subside, ideas from which all these pairs of opposites such as virtue and vice have originated. When the idea that So-and-so is different from me comes to the mind, all other ideas of distinction begin to manifest, while with the complete realisation of oneness, no more grief or illusion remains for man, “तत्र को मोह: क: शोक एकत्वमनुपश्यत:—For him who sees oneness, where is there any grief or any delusion?” Sin may be said to be the feeling of every kind of weakness. From this weakness spring jealousy, malice, and so forth. Hence weakness is sin. The Self within is always shining forth resplendent. Turning away from that people say “I”, “I”, “I”, with their attention held up by this material body, this queer cage of flesh and bones. This is the root of all weakness. From that habit only, the relative outlook on life has emerged in this world. The absolute Truth lies beyond that duality.

Disciple: Well, is then all this relative experience not true?

Swamiji: As long as the idea of “I” remains, it is true. And the instant the realisation of “I” as the Ātman comes, this world of relative existence becomes false. What people speak of as sin is the result of weakness—is but another form of the egoistic idea, “I am the body”. When the mind gets steadfast in the truth, “I am the Self”, then you go beyond merit and demerit, virtue and vice. Shri Ramakrishna used to say, “When the ‘I’ dies, all trouble is at an end.”

Disciple: Sir, this “I” has a most tenacious life. It is very difficult to kill it.

Swamiji: Yes, in one sense, it is very difficult, but in another sense, it is quite easy. Can you tell me where this “I” exists? How can you speak of anything being killed, which never exists at all? Man only remains hypnotised with the false idea of an ego. When this ghost is off from us, all dreams vanish, and then it is found that the one Self only exists from the highest Being to a blade of grass. This will have to be known, to be realised. All practice or worship is only for taking off this veil. When that will go, you will find that the Sun of Absolute Knowledge is shining in Its own lustre. For the Ātman only is self-luminous and has to be realised by Itself. How can that, which can be experienced only by itself, be known with the help of any other thing? Hence the Shruti says, “विज्ञातारमरे केन विजानीयात्—Well, through what means is that to be known which is the Knower?” Whatever you know, you know through the instrumentality of your mind. But mind is something material. It is active only because there is the pure Self behind it. So, how can you know that Self through your mind? But this only becomes known, after all, that the mind cannot reach the pure Self, no, nor even the intellect. Our relative knowledge ends just there. Then, when the mind is free from activity or functioning, it vanishes, and the Self is revealed. This state has been described by the commentator Shankara as अपरोक्षानुभूति: or supersensuous perception.

Disciple: But, sir, the mind itself is the “I”. If that mind is gone, then the “I” also cannot remain.

Swamiji: Yes, the state that comes then is the real nature of the ego. The “I” that remains then is omnipresent, all-pervading, the Self of all. Just as the Ghatākāsha, when the jar is broken, becomes the Mahākāsha,³ for with the destruction of the jar the enclosed space is not destroyed. The puny “I” which you were thinking of as confined in the body, becomes spread out and is thus realised in the form of the all-pervading “I” or the Self. Hence what matters it to the real “I” or the Self, whether the mind remains or is destroyed? What I say you will realise in course of time. “कालेनात्मनि विन्दति—It is realised within oneself in due time.” As you go on with Shravana and Manana (proper hearing and proper thinking), you will fully understand it in due time and then you will go beyond mind. Then there will be no room for any such question.

Hearing all this, the disciple remained quiet on his seat, and Swamiji, as he gently smoked, continued: “How many Shāstras have been written to explain this simple thing, and yet men fail to understand it! How they are wasting this precious human life on the fleeting pleasures of some silver coins and the frail beauty of women! Wonderful is the influence of Mahāmāyā (Divine Illusion)! Mother! Oh Mother!”

Notes

1. Referring, that is to say, to some steps in the Vedic ceremony of a Brahmin’s initiation. ↩
2. The special gift which a disciple has to make to his Guru as the symbol of the mutual relation being consummated. ↩
3. Ghatākāsha and Mahākāsha are technical terms in Vedānta, meaning the space enclosed by the jar and the omnipresent. The two are one and the same, only the former is limited by the Upādhi (adjunct) of the Ghata or jar. ↩