To Sister Nivedita
15th Nov., 1899.
. . . On the whole I don’t think there is any cause for anxiety about my body. This sort of nervous body is just the instrument to play great music at times and at times to moan in darkness.
C/o E. Guernsey, M.D.,
The Madrid, 180 W. 59,
15th November, 1899.
My Dear Mrs. Bull,
After all I decide to come to Cambridge just now. I must finish the stories I began. The first one I don’t think was given back to me by Margo.
My clothes will be ready the day after tomorrow, and then I shall be ready to start; only my fear is, it will be for the whole winter a place for becoming nervous and not for quieting of nerves, with constant parties and lectures. Well, perhaps you can give me a room somewhere, where I can hide myself from all the goings on in the place. Again I am so nervous of going to a place where indirectly the Indian Math will be. The very name of these Math people is enough to frighten me. And they are determined to kill with these letters etc.
Anyhow, I come as soon as I have my clothes–this week. You need not come to New York for my sake. If you have business of your own, that is another matter. I had a very kind invitation from Mrs. Wheeler of Montclair. Before I start for Boston, I will have a turn-in in Montclair for a few hours at least.
I am much better and am all right; nothing the matter with me except my worry, and now I am sure to throw that all overboard.
Only one thing I want–and I am afraid I cannot get it of you–there should be no communication about me in your letters to India even indirect. I want to hide for a time or for all time. How I curse the day that brought me celebrity!
With all love,